Lost in Pasto...Again

According to history Pasto was "founded" in 1537 by the Spanish Conquistador Sebastian de Belalcazar. I always kind of take issue with the idea of a European "founding" a place that indignous people have lived for a few thousand years, but that being said, my hats off to him for getting here from Spain on a boat when I get lost on foot every day on a 5 mile walk from the hotel.
I set off again at about 12:30 by myself from the hotel with the goal of finding a basketball. There are courts at the park behind our hotel and at the other park we go to. The hoops are only about 8 and a half feet tall so I could probably even... well I still couldn't dunk but I would look a bit better than I would on a court at home. So I set off downtown . My first stop on the way was a little shop like a convinience store to buy a bottle of lemonade. My first mistake. There were 3 people in the store, a middle aged man, a middle aged lady and a girl about 20. I tried to point to what I wanted and the usual confusion ensued. They laughed at me and I laughed along with them. Finally when I broke out my pesos and had the wrong amount again the man said "Italiano?"
I said "No American"
He answered "United Statas?"
And I said "Si Si "
Then he said "Hello! Hello! Hello!" While the 2 women laughed hysterically.
I thought it was pretty funny too and said "Hello!"
After I paid I started to walk out and the guy starts saying "Gud bye! Gud bye!" and they all lauged so hard I started to get the feeling they were not laughing with me, but laughing at me. Just the same I laughed pretty hard too. The biggest thing that makes you feel like a big dumb American, other than being here and not speaking the language, is to actually be big, dumb and American.
But undaunted I pressed on in search of a basketball, or at least a bit of dignity. It was a long day.
I kept walking downtown in search of a sporting goods store and the sun was brutal. I had sunscreen on my face neck and arms as I do every day but being up in the mountains the sun is decptively strong even though it isn't that hot. I'm pretty burned on my face neck and arms and as I tan very dark, by the time I get home I will have a farmers tan that I will be lucky to catch up on by the end of August. At home I will go around without a shirt all the time, but here no one ever goes without a shirt. We had also been told before we came here that people didn't wear jeans or shorts in public and that I had to dress up. I'm pretty understanding to local custom but that is not an option. At home my style of dress could probably be best described as upwardly mobile hobo, as I usually only wear ratty jeans, or shorts and t shirts. But much to my delight everyone here wears jeans and t shirts so lobster-like complextion aside I fairly fit in.
So I made my way to Alcosto (think Sams Club) and no basketball. Plenty of soccer balls though, or as I like to call them...soccer balls. I know that 95% of the world calls them footballs but living as close to Green Bay as I do, soccer balls they are.After that I wandered around for a while trying to find any place that might sell basketballs. Seeing that there are basketball courts all over here you wouldn't think it would be that hard but it turned out to be like trying to find a Bears jersey in the Lambeau Field gift shop. I did find a sports store but it was closed for lunch, as were many shops at that time of day. I love a good siesta myself but being from America its frustrating to have every other store closed at the only time of day I can get out on my own. So I thought I'd walk around a bit until the store opened back up. Mistake number 2. In no time at all I was so turned around it was pathetic. Pathetic in the sense that most people would have known exactly where they were, yet I might have ended up in Ecuador for all I knew. To me everything looked pretty much the same, shops selling chicken, shops selling jewelry and shops selling fotocopias, wich I will get to later.
So on I pressed. By this time I had drank 2 bottles of lemonade and nature was calling with a vengence. You might think after getting horribly lost and in dire need of a bathroom the other day I would have learned my lesson, but unfortunately I am quite simply not that bright.
I walked this way and that, turning corners and taking streets at random thinking I might find something that looked familiar. Unfortunatly it all looked familiar because to me it all looked the same. After a bit I sucked it up and asked a kindly looking middle aged gentleman "Alcosto?"
My thinking being that if I could find Alcosto I could get home because Alcosto, even though being a couple miles away was on the same street as our hotel. He launched into a speech that I politely listened to before saying "No Espanol" and indicated for him to point. He looked at me , deservedly , like I was an idiot and pointed off in a direction. It is a credit to the people here that he actually pointed with his index finger in a direction and didn't simply show me his middle finger as I probably deserved.
So I kept on walking in the direction he pointed and after 5 or 6 blocks I was still as lost as ever. To make matters worse I was walking down a fairly steep street and I have never noticed this before, but when you have to go to the bathroom really bad , somehow walking downhill seems to make it worse. After what felt like forever I ended up in a big plaza that Erin, Sofia and I had been in before. I felt a breif sense of triumph before realising that even though I'd been there before I had no idea where it was in relation to the hotel and without Erin there to follow I was still a long way from home, and a short way from a wet pair of shorts. I cannot stress enough how hard it is to find a bathroom here. Maybe someone more savvy in the ways of Pasto would have more insight but I was at a loss. Where I live in Oshkosh WI you can't throw a stone without hitting 4 taverns, all of wich have bathrooms. Or else there are gas stations, or restaurants or something but not here. Most of the shops here have bars over the front of them through wich you ask for pop chicken etc. and they are ironically about the size of the average American bathroom.
So I kept on walking, looking for any kind of business that I might be able to purchase anything at in exchange for the use of a bathroom. The closest thing I saw was a hotel and I seriously considered getting a room just to use the bathroom for 2 minutes. Again, its not like home where any hotel has a bathroom in the lobby. Then I happened to see a young lady wearing an Alcosto shirt in a park. Having been to Alcosto a few times I recognised it as an employee shirt. So I walk over and ask "Alcosto?" and motion for her to point. The subtleties of the Spanish accent far escape me and with my midwestern "yaaa" accent I'm afraid to think what she thought I said. She looked at me with a mixture of confusion and most likely fear, so to smooth things out I went in to sign language mode and pointed at her chest. She looked back at me like I was insane but I was at the point where either I got directions or pulled a Pasto special and just peed on a wall. I tried again to point to her shirt and say "Alcosto" and she looked terrified. I felt really bad for her but I needed help. I pointed to my own shirt then to hers agian and repeated "Alcosto". This time she understood and said "Alcosto! Si Si!" although with a decidedly diferent inflection than me. She then pointed down the street and said "Uno Dos Tres Quatro", and something I didn't understand. But I understood 4 blocks down and then... something. I thought if I made it the 4 blocks down I'd recognize where I was. So I went down 4 blocks and was as lost as ever. All of the sudden I saw the big park that Erin and I take Sofia to almost every day! The big park with (possibly the only public) bathrooms. I ran into the park and there was a guy sitting outside the door and a sign that said 400 pesos. 400 pesos is about 5 cents and it was worth every peso to finally find a bathroom.
When I got back to the hotel Sofia was just waking up from her nap and was cranky, but after she was fully awake she was a ball. She is (slowly) warming up to me and loves to play games. She still can't let Erin out of her sight but when Erin and I are both there she is so much fun. She is learning things so fast and is a shameless flirt with all the guys on the hotel staff at breakfast and dinner. Whenever Erin gets too far away from her she yells "Mami Mami", until Erin picks her up. Its amazing how readily she took to Erin, calling her Mami within 2 minutes of them meeting and Erin is doing an unbeleivable job considering she has to do most of the work.


Can't wait to get home, Paul